freeing myself

It hits you out of no where.

Feelings of fairytale love begin to orchestrate your every thought and action as the person you once thought of as a simple acquaintance slowly becomes the object of your affection. Now you’re beginning to feel for another human being, and you don’t like it.

The human being that you care deeply for doesn’t reciprocate. This love is one-sided. It feels like a slap in the face. 

Life goes on. Dogs and cotton candy still exist. This is the part where you set yourself free.

Cut your hair (I did), pet random dogs (I did), eat an absurd amount of strawberries (I had, like, 80). Set! Yourself! Free!

Sometimes what seems to be the most tragic occurrence in your life is really a chance to reinvent yourself. 


Author’s note: I initially wrote this several months ago when I was trying to move on from the pain of loving someone so recklessly, without them ever doing the same for me. I have grown since then. My heart is so much stronger now. My advice? Let them go. You’re worthy of the love you keep trying to give to others. Life goes on. Long live your brilliant mind and flowery soul.

celestial nothingness and what I imagine the void is like

As I floated aimlessly through the ominous void, one thing remained clear: there would be no tacos tonight. Apparently I’m no expert when it comes to teleportation. I’ve kept up to speed with my shapeshifting abilities, but teleportation is still new to me. If I were a wizard of some sort, I’d be ranked as level one.

Anyway, yeah, no tacos. It’s Tuesday. My mother promised me tacos before I accidentally teleported into this dark place. What’s the word? Oh, yeah. A void. No tacos in the void. Only the subtle scent of pumpkin spice latte, for some strange reason. Is it really that time of year once again?

The cool thing about the void™️ is that I can imagine something – anything – and it will appear in my hand. A puppy that smells like lavender? Poof. Take a look at what I’m holding. It’s a dog that smells like your mom’s DoTerra essential oils. Cool, right?

Hey, I think I see a light below me. Could I possibly be approaching the end of my seemingly never-ending voyage through darkness? I’m tired of levitating amongst what appear to be stars. Do you know how freaking difficult it is just drifting through the unknown? I’ve been here for hours. Oh, the light is getting closer. And closer. Am I falling? I’m falling. Dang it. The bright white circle beneath me is expanding. I’m going to die. Goodbye, cruel world.

The onyx colored celestial nothingness consumes me. I feel my body mimic shattered glass as I am reacquainted with the atmosphere.


*thud*

I hit the ground. I’m still alive. I can’t hear anything. Oh, wait, that’s because I left my earbuds in. I pluck them from my ears. Ah, there we go.

Well, I’m no longer in the void. I’m sitting on the freshly cut grass in my backyard, allowing the mosquitoes to eat me alive. Each sting burns more and more as they each take turns drinking my blood like a juice box. Why am I being so descriptive? Not sure. Just wanted to get the point across. In other news, the mosquitoes have continued to consume my flesh one comically small bite at a time.

Hey, why don’t you join me in the void next time? We can play go-fish.

I have almost chipped away every piece of you

I’ll never be able to truly forget the way your eyes lit up when you told me your favorite song or expressed your love for the color green, yet I’m beginning to feel comfortable with the notion that maybe I’ve moved on from the thing that’s plagued my existence all year. I sense the hole you left in my mind filling with flora and fauna and sweet memories of small town sunset drives with the lumineers playing softly through the car radio. I suspect the melancholic heaviness in my chest being lifted. Sometimes I still pass the picnic tables where we used to sit and trade secrets of the universe, and I feel peace. I don’t miss any of your curt texts or sporadic disappearances from the face of the earth. I refuse to envy those you choose to dedicate your valuable time to.

You have no power over me any longer. You are not the hero in this story – I am.

I think I’m over it.

tiny little pieces of the universe and memories of a summer spent in your presence

“Don’t you ever sleep?” he questioned me with a silly grin I could feel through the dimly lit phone screen.

“If I slept at normal times I’d miss two am texts from my best friends and the moon and the stars”, I replied before further stating my reasons. “I’d miss the random song I remember hearing once before years ago. A distant childhood memory. I’d miss the early dawn kitchen dance party with me, myself, and I. I’d miss the bizarre art prompts that enter the insane wasteland that I call my brain. I’d miss the curious google search that eventually leads to a wikipedia rabbit hole. I’d miss stumbling around in the dark with a broken foot desperately looking for my heating pad. It gets cold in my room, dude.”

He left me on read after that. This is why I don’t pour my heart out.

the boy that lives in my head doesn’t pay his rent

Rebekah: You’re always on my mind. No, you’re literally in it. Dude, you live in my brain.

Boy: And that’s my problem?

Rebekah: Yes.

Boy: ….

Rebekah: No response?

Boy: What else is there to say?

Rebekah: I can think of a few things…

Boy: And what are those things?

Rebekah: Well, if you’re not going to pay the rent you could at least offer to pay the electricity bill.

Boy: But the lights are always turned off in here. You said you don’t like the fluorescent lights and that they give you a headache.

Rebekah: Wow. You have a great memory.

Boy: I try to remember the little things you tell me.

Rebekah: I would find that usually flattering but instead I’m going to bully you into paying the water bill.

Boy: Ah, I’m sure that’s outrageously expensive.

Rebekah: Yes. You tend to take really long showers. Smelly boy.

Boy: You don’t have to be rude.

Rebekah: I apologize for my attitude.

Boy: Apology accepted, I guess.

Rebekah: Cool.


Back to reality.

someday we’ll run and they’ll never catch us

The evening rain perfectly complimented your presence as we stood face to face in an empty parking lot. Your laughing eyes met mine several times, though they never locked for more than a few seconds. Why couldn’t we acknowledge the elephant in the room?

Come stand beside me. You don’t have to say anything. Break away from your conversation, and I’ll do the same.

I felt the mutual melancholy. Time dragged on and reality felt like a dream. We were the last ones to leave.

*cue sad violin*

squirrel girl’s digital footprint • a clara + rebekah collaboration

And that is how this collaboration came to be.

I often wonder what I will be known for. How will my internet friends remember me? How with the world remember me?

These are the questions that plague my existence.

The internet is a neat place because I can choose how people view me. I choose the lenses. I choose how I’m filtered. It’s a blessing and a curse.

My days are often spent chasing the feeling of being alive. How do I achieve this? There are many ways to feel alive. Allow me to list a few:

• dancing

• rain dancing

• standing in the rain

• drinking the rain

• listening to music (bonus points: in the rain)

• making flower crowns

• making art

• running (to add a dramatic effect, run in the rain)

• making good food

• talking to friends

• picking flowers

• giving trees names

All of these can be done in the rain, really.

Have a seat on the cartoon couch.

The color yellow is one I associate with the feeling of happiness. This is why it’s my favorite color.

While we’re on the topic, how do we actually know if the sun is yellow? I can’t look at it for more than two seconds without crying. It doesn’t look yellow to me. The sun is the color of blazing, which is a color I just made up on the spot.

If the sun is the color of blazing, then the moon is considered the color luminous. Do you know what that word reminds me of?

Yes.

The Lumineers.

Am I really that predictable?

Apparently so.

Leader of the Landslide is seriously underrated and apparently considered explicit??? Bad words??? I didn’t even notice. I refuse to search for a clean version.

I can’t get over the fact that I live in a universe where music like this exists. What a time to be alive.


And now.

Back to my original topic.

What will I leave behind? Who’s going to discover this long forgotten space on the internet ten years from now when things have become far more advanced? Hopefully.

Will future readers smile at my silly remarks and bizarre artwork? Maybe.

A digital footprint is a neat concept. I hope I’m remembered as squirrel girl.


P. S. This post is a collaboration with my good buddy Clara. Go check out her blog. Do it. Do it now.

You won’t regret it. She is a fabulous human. 🙂

five facts about owls to distract you from your worries

“What do you worry about?” asks the little gnome man sitting cross-legged on my bedside table.

“Nothing in particular. Who are you?” I stammer, swiftly throwing my shoe at him. I miss. He’s still sitting there. Who is he and how did he get in my house? I have an alarm system installed and all the doors and windows are locked so ????


Gnomes, am I right? So intrusive. Anyway, this post is about owls. Let’s get going.

1. Owls have binocular vision.

I honestly don’t know what the h e c k this means but dude I kinda wish I had it too.

2. Barn owls can eat up to 1,000 mice every year.

That’s freaking rude and disrespectful. Each of those mice probably had a family and now owls have to live with the guilt. Curse you, food chain.

3. Owls belong in the phylum chordata.

I’ve heard this term used in my 10th grade biology class so if you don’t know what this means I suggest you google it because I will not be explaining what a phylum is.

4. Owls cannot digest fur, feathers, or bones which is pretty gross if you ask me.

No further comments thanks.

5. Owls are my sixth favorite animal and most people adore them probably. I bet if you asked your sister her opinion on these cool birds she’d probably say something like “Yeah owls are neato!” I knew one in high school! His name was Tony and he wore a yellow beret!”

I ran out of real owl facts.

music that instantly makes me feel like an old, free-spirited woman driving a jeep

I recently walked by a mirror and realized that I am very pale. they call me “little ghost girl”. just kidding. no one does. but they really should. I’m pale like a victorian-era supernatural apparition.

anyway, music, right? that’s the point of this post? I suppose so. why am I answering my own questions? I don’t know. why am I sitting in my laundry room at 1am on a Monday morning? I wish I knew the answer, buddy.

here is a playlist that no one asked for. enjoy.

lemon boy – cavetown

flowers in your hair – the lumineers

sign of the times – harry styles

stolen dance – milky chance

elephant – tame impala

movement – hozier

style – foster the people

cash machine – oliver tree

otis houndmouth

johnny boy – twenty one pilots

idontwannabeyouanymore billie eilish

• brazil – declan mckenna

electric love – børns


now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll go eat some cereal. enjoy your new music. 🙂

late night art

As I sit here doing what the cool kids call “vibin”, I feel inspired. Very disrespectful of my brain to do this to me at this time of night when my creative resources are scarce. Very disrespectful indeed.

My creative juices are already flowing, so I might as well get them out the only way I can at the moment, which is by drawing spontaneous little nothings on adobe illustrator. Special thanks to my little sister for letting me borrow her iPad to make these. I simply cannot create a single graphic on my comically tiny iPhone 5s screen.

Image one: Pretty self explanatory.

Image two: Anxiety + soup is a good combo I guess.

Image three: Uh, Hamilton we shall call it? Yeah, sounds fine. The historical broadway phenomenon is apparently really popular, although overrated. I mean, how would I know though? I’ve never seen it, so I can’t say anything.

Image four: A dog that I met on Sunday in Musella, Georgia. 🙂

Image five: Taken directly from The Lumineers’ album cover of the same name, here we have a half finished sketch of the lovely Cleopatra. Fun fact: I was obsessed with the history of Cleopatra in the 5th grade, and even went as far as dressing like her for Halloween. Good times.


That’s a wrap, folks. I really have no idea how to end blog posts anymore, so here’s a soccer ball for no reason: ⚽️